I’m not usually someone who enjoys reading non-fiction books, but when I was asked to review Not a Survival Guide by Nicole Howes, I was intrigued and wanted to give it a go! Mostly because the teenage years feel like they’re coming at me fast — and I want to be prepared.

I actually really enjoyed this book and feel like I’ve learned a lot. It’s also sparked some great conversations with my husband and friends about what the teenage years might look like and how we want to approach them as a family.

The Book

What I enjoyed most about this book is how straight to the point it is. Many ‘guide’-style books have long, wordy chapters that lose me before they get to the actual point — but not this one! The chapters in Not a Survival Guide are short and punchy, giving you all the information you need on each topic. If you want to dive deeper, Nicole points you toward experts with books and podcasts of their own — some of which I’m now looking forward to exploring.

Lots of the chapters include actionable points — like activities you can try as a family or topics to discuss with your partner. This made me feel like I’m building a toolkit to draw on when needed.

But probably the thing I loved most about this book? It made me genuinely look forward to the teenage years (not that I’m wishing time away!). It challenged the usual doom-and-gloom language we often hear around parenting teens and helped me reframe this phase as something positive.

The book is completely non-judgemental. Like the title suggests, it’s not a guidebook — and that’s what makes it so helpful. It’s a brilliant resource that offers practical tools, helps take the pressure off, and gives you a fresh, encouraging outlook on parenting teenagers.

Chapters I Loved

F* You, 18 Summers!**
This chapter made me laugh out loud and instantly know this was the book for me. My social media is currently full of memes and posts telling me I’ve already spent 70% of the time I’ll ever have with my kids, and warning me to “make every summer count.” The pressure of that can feel so intense. This short chapter took some of that weight off and reminded me that we don’t need to cram every memory into childhood — there’s so much joy to come in the teenage years too.

Let Sleeping Teens Lie
I’d heard before that teenagers need more sleep, but this chapter dives into the science behind it — explaining how their circadian rhythms shift and why they produce melatonin later in the evening. It really helped me understand why late nights and lie-ins are normal, not lazy! I also loved the point about how some research suggests secondary schools should start later — imagine how much happier and more ready to learn teens would be.

Happy Brains
I’m fascinated by brain development (I used to be a nursery nurse!), so this chapter really grabbed me. It covers the four key brain chemicals — dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins — and offers a simple activity to help your family explore ways to keep those chemicals balanced. There’s also a mini Q&A with neuroscientist TJ Power, who Nicole recommends. I’ll definitely be checking out his podcast.

It’s Not Your Problem
This short chapter really stuck with me. It talks about letting your children take responsibility for things like homework — without constantly nagging or punishing them. There’s a story about a dad who says homework is between his son and the school, and while I think there’s still a place for gentle reminders, it made me question how much added stress we’re creating at home by getting overly involved. Sometimes stepping back really is the best support.

Final Thoughts

I absolutely loved this book — and I honestly wasn’t expecting to! The short chapters kept my attention, Nicole’s writing style is honest and down-to-earth, and her refreshing take on parenting teens was just what I needed.

I genuinely feel excited about parenting teens now. Instead of bracing myself for a battle, I feel ready to walk alongside my children as they move into this next phase. I don’t need to control everything — I need to support them, guide them, and give them space to learn and grow (and yes, to make mistakes, just like I still do!).

If you’re heading into the teenage years soon, I can’t recommend this book enough.

Not A Survival Guide: Your Straight Talking Parenting Companion; Navigating the Shift from Child to Teen is out now with Synergy Publishing (RRP £16.99)