How to introduce children to grief and help them understand it

When a loved one passes, the grief that follows can be overwhelming. As a parent or guardian, you may be unsure how to help your child process the loss. Children often pick up on the emotions around them, but don’t always understand the complex feelings behind them. By providing a safe, supportive environment, you can guide them through difficult times.

Use clear, Honest Language

Children need simple, yet honest, explanations to understand what has happened. Many adults automatically use euphemisms such as “gone to sleep”, but phrases like that can actually confuse kids, so it’s best to try to avoid them.

Instead, explain that death means the person won’t be coming back. It’s important to have the conversation in a soft tone and use words that match your child’s age and understanding.

Younger children may only need to know that the person is gone, whereas older children are likely to ask more questions about why it happened and what happens after death.

Listen, Validate, and Encourage Expression

It’s natural for children to feel a range of emotions, from sadness to anger or confusion. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, even if they can’t express the emotion in words. They may find it easier to express their feelings through things such as drawings or play.

Once processed, they may begin to ask questions such as ‘where did they go?’ or ‘ why did they die?’. These are valid questions that deserve thoughtful answers, so plan what to say to avoid being caught off guard.

No matter what, reassure them that all emotions are okay and that it’s normal to feel upset, scared, or even angry.

Maintain Safety and Routine

Grief can understandably make things feel uncertain. Children often find comfort in the familiar, so although it may be challenging, try to keep their routines as normal as possible. Things like regular mealtimes, bedtimes, and school routines can provide them with a sense of security.

You don’t need to, and shouldn’t, pretend that everything is “normal” as it’s important to acknowledge the loss and that things feel different. But keeping structure to the day can help kids feel safe and provide a gentle way to cope with the unfamiliar.

Involve Them in Remembering and Saying Goodbye

When someone dies, part of the healing process involves finding ways to remember them. Children can often benefit from being involved in the process. Speak to local professionals, like funeral directors in West Suffolk, and see if they have guidance on how to involve little ones in memorial services.

Depending on their age and maturity, you could allow them to participate in creating memory boxes or writing cards. Older children may even be able to make decisions about the funeral. These types of activities can give them a sense of involvement and control and can help them understand that remembering the person is a positive way to deal with grief.