How to survive visiting family this Christmas with your young children

The big Christmas getaway is fast approaching, and I remember so clearly the mix of emotions it used to bring when my children were young. The excitement of seeing their joy and wonder building was always tinged with a little anxiety about how to juggle it all - especially when throwing extended family into the mix.

While Christmas is a time of twinkling lights, festive treats, and moments with loved ones, it also has a way of stretching parents to their limits. Routines are thrown out of sync, expectations are high, and those “well-meaning” comments about your parenting can feel especially pointed. It’s magical, yes - but it’s also a season that tests our patience and planning.

But here’s the good news: you can get through this festive season without losing your parenting confidence, or your sanity! Over the years, I’ve picked up a few tips and strategies that helped me move through these challenges with more ease. 

So, take a deep breath, because you’ve got this. Read on to discover how to make this Christmas work for your family.

1. The reality of disrupted routines

Routines are often the glue that holds family life together, especially when you’re parenting young children. But let’s be honest: Christmas has a special knack for shaking those routines loose. Late nights, packed schedules, and sugar-fueled excitement can leave everyone feeling frazzled.

If the idea of a routine-free holiday fills you with dread, take a deep breath. You don’t have to choose between festive magic and your child’s stability. A little flexibility and a focus on the essentials can help you strike the right balance.

Here’s how to keep things manageable:

• Focus on the essentials: While you don’t need to follow your routine to the letter, try to keep key elements like nap times or calming wind-down rituals consistent. These anchors can help your child feel secure amidst the holiday buzz.
• Build in some downtime: Christmas excitement can be overwhelming for little ones. Make space for quieter moments - whether that’s a walk, reading a favorite book, or simply snuggling on the sofa.
• Give yourself permission to adapt: Bedtime might stretch later, or naps may not happen at the usual time - and that’s okay. Be kind to yourself, knowing that you can recalibrate once the festive dust settles.

2. Handling unsolicited advice with grace

If there’s one thing the holiday season guarantees, it’s an abundance of ‘advice’ from relatives. Whether it’s comments on your routines, your approach to feeding, or even your child’s behaviour, those unsolicited opinions can feel like a minefield.

You might hear:

• “Why don’t you just let them stay up late? It’s Christmas!”
• “You fuss too much with that baby. Just put her in the cot and let her cry—it worked for us!”

These remarks often come from a place of love, albeit with a side of “back in my day” tone that can make them hard to digest. So, how do you handle them without losing your cool?

• Smile and redirect: Sometimes, a warm smile and a quick change of topic can diffuse the situation. “Thanks for the suggestion! So, I hear you’re off to Spain in January.”
• Share a little context: If you feel comfortable, let them know why you’ve chosen a certain approach. “We’ve found that keeping a bedtime routine makes everyone’s Christmas a little happier in the long run!”
• Hold your boundaries: It’s okay to politely shut down the conversation if it feels too much. “Thanks for your thoughts, but this way works best for our family.”

Remember, you are the expert on your child. Your parenting choices are yours, and you don’t need to justify them to anyone.

3. Embracing traditions without the pressure

Family traditions are a cornerstone of Christmas but let’s face it: sometimes they can feel like a lot to manage, especially when they clash with the realities of your current season of parenting.

Perhaps it’s a late-night dinner that coincides with your baby’s witching hour, or the expectation that everyone stays over when your little one sleeps best in their own bed. The good news? You can adapt traditions in ways that work for your family.

Here’s how:

• Communicate early: Let relatives know your plans ahead of time. Something like “We’d love to join for Christmas dinner, but we’ll need to head home early for bedtime” sets clear expectations.
• Offer alternatives: Small tweaks can make traditions more child-friendly without losing their magic. Could the family dinner shift to a takeout feast at home instead of a noisy restaurant? Could you carve out a quiet space for naps amidst the celebrations?
• Be flexible where it feels right: Some traditions might be worth bending the rules for - a special outing to a candlelit carol service, perhaps - and what isn’t, like a late Christmas Eve meal when you know you’ll be up before the crack of dawn. Trust your instincts to decide what works best for your family. 

And don’t be afraid to start your own family traditions. It’s easy to feel guilty about not sticking to “the way things have always been.” But the beauty of traditions is that they’re not set in stone - they can evolve with your family. By focusing on what works for your family and sprinkling in your own holiday magic, you’ll create new traditions for future generations to treasure.

4. Building your confidence amid the chaos

Christmas has a way of making us doubt ourselves. Whether it’s the endless highlight reels on social media or the well-meaning (but sometimes unhelpful) comments from family, it’s easy to second-guess yourself.

But let me remind you of something important: you’re doing an incredible job.

You know your child better than anyone else and your instincts are your best guide.

If you’re feeling wobbly:

• Remind yourself of your priorities: What truly matters to you and your family this Christmas? Maybe it’s preserving a few key routines to keep things calm and enjoyable, or perhaps it’s embracing the holiday chaos with a light-hearted shrug and a smile. Whatever your focus, being clear on your priorities can help you let go of unnecessary pressure and tune out the noise! 
• Celebrate your wins: Whether it’s managing to enjoy a family gathering without a meltdown or simply making it through a hectic day with everyone fed and loved, take a moment to recognise and celebrate those triumphs.
• Lean on your support system: Whether it’s a partner, a trusted friend, or an online parenting community, reaching out for a listening ear or a bit of encouragement can make a world of difference.

5. Managing expectations (yours and others!)

We all want to make Christmas special for our children, but when it comes to visiting relatives, things can get overwhelming quickly. Trust me, I’ve been there. 

The “perfect” holiday is an impossible dream, especially when you’re trying to please everyone. So, let’s make this easier: stop trying to do it all. Do what you can, prioritise what matters most to your family, let some things slide and don’t be afraid to say no! 

Here’s how to keep things manageable when you’re visiting family:

• Know your limits: It’s okay to avoid extra events or late-night gatherings that don’t work for your family’s routine. You don’t need to attend everything to make Christmas special.
• Set boundaries early: You know your family best, and setting clear boundaries can help reduce stress. If you know certain traditions or family expectations might not align with your child’s needs (or your own sanity), communicate that ahead of time. 
• Simplify where possible: The more you simplify, the more you can enjoy the moment. Instead of rushing to please everyone, focus on what makes your family’s Christmas feel meaningful.
• Take care of yourself: Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Whether it’s sneaking in a quiet cup of tea, asking for help, or simply pausing to breathe, give yourself permission to slow down. When you feel at your best, you’re able to give your best to your family.

5. A Christmas made for you and your family 

The holidays should be about love and connection, not stress and exhaustion. As you take on the whirlwind of family visits, remember that it’s not about pleasing everyone or making every moment Instagram-worthy. It’s about creating a Christmas that feels right for your family - whether that’s quiet and cosy or lively and bustling.

Trust yourself. Let go of the pressure to meet others’ expectations. Communicate your needs clearly, set boundaries where necessary, and focus on what truly matters to you. This season is about making memories, not fulfilling everyone else’s idea of the "perfect" Christmas.

So go forth and create a Christmas that works for everyone - including you! 

 

About the author

Catherine Wasley, The Parent Rock, is a certified holistic sleep coach with over 30 years of experience supporting families. A mum of four, Catherine blends her expertise in early childhood development with a compassionate, personalized approach to help parents achieve their sleep goals. Her mission is to empower families with practical, guilt-free solutions. For more information, visit www.theparentrock.com

 

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