picture of parents taking their child to view a grammar school to see if it is right for them

How We Knew Grammar School Was the Right Choice for Our Son

For the last two years, grammar schools have been a surprisingly big part of our family life.

What started as a simple conversation at a parents' evening gradually became school visits, tutor sessions, mock exams, real exams and eventually the email telling us that our son, Oscar, had been offered a place at our preferred grammar school.

Looking back now, one of the questions I've been asked most is:

"How do you know if grammar school is right for your child?"

The honest answer is that there isn't a simple checklist.

For us, it wasn't about chasing a grammar school place because it sounded impressive. It was about trying to work out which environment would help Oscar thrive.

The First Signs

We started seriously considering grammar school when Oscar was in Year 3.

His school reports had always been very strong, and he was consistently working at greater depth. During parents' evenings, we started asking his teachers whether what we were seeing was unusual and whether they felt grammar school might be a good fit.

I was very clear that I wanted honest answers.

I worried that teachers might simply tell parents what they wanted to hear, but every teacher we spoke to independently came to the same conclusion: they felt grammar school would suit Oscar well.

That didn't mean the decision was easy.

If anything, it increased the pressure.

I didn't want to put him through tutoring, mock exams and entrance tests only to send him somewhere that wasn't right for him.

The Biggest Clue Wasn't His Test Scores

Of course, Oscar's academic ability played a role.

He's always had what I affectionately call "professor vibes".

Maths has always been his favourite subject, and his memory for facts can be astonishing.

But looking back, I don't think academic ability alone was the biggest clue.

The biggest clue was his attitude towards learning.

He genuinely enjoys being challenged. He asks questions because he wants to know the answer. He actively seeks out opportunities to learn more. In many ways, his personality told us as much as his school reports ever did.

I still remember him coming home from primary school annoyed because the class had lost six minutes of maths due to other children talking.

Six minutes.

Meanwhile, his sister would probably have been one of the children doing the talking.

That frustration told us something important.

As he got older, he became increasingly frustrated by not being stretched enough at school.

When I recently asked him what he was most looking forward to about grammar school, his answer was incredibly simple:

"Being able to actually learn."

That probably sums it up better than I ever could.

What Oscar Thought

One thing that's become clear while writing this article is that Oscar and I were worrying about completely different things.

As parents, we were thinking about school choices, travel times, tutors and long-term opportunities.

Oscar was thinking about whether he would fit in.

When I asked him what worried him most before the process started, he said:

"Not fitting in. Not being smart enough."

I found that really interesting because it's something I hadn't fully appreciated at the time.

Parents often focus on whether their child can pass the exam.

Children are often wondering whether they belong there at all.

Visiting The Schools

We visited two grammar schools and, despite both being excellent schools, they felt very different.

One felt more traditional and academic. The other felt more relaxed.

What surprised me most was how normal they felt.

I think I'd built grammar schools up in my head as these incredible institutions full of cutting-edge technology and facilities. In reality, they were schools. Good schools, certainly, but schools nonetheless.

The thing that impressed me most wasn't the buildings.

It was the students.

The children showing us around were articulate, enthusiastic and clearly enjoyed being there.

Oscar had a slightly different focus.

When asked what stood out most during the visit, his answer was:

"They had made a Grogu in one of the science labs, which was so cool."

Which is probably a useful reminder that children and parents often look at schools through very different lenses.

Every Child Is Different

One thing I want to make clear is that I don't think grammar school is the right choice for every child.

In fact, having two very different children has probably reinforced that belief even more.

While Oscar's interests have always centred around maths, problem-solving and academic challenge, his sister thrives in different ways. She's creative, sociable, hardworking and incredibly dedicated to the things she loves. As parents, we're much more interested in finding the environment where those qualities can flourish than forcing both children down the same path.

I've spoken to adults whose siblings went to grammar school while they attended a different school, and some of them still carry the feeling that they were somehow the "less clever" child. That is something I feel strongly about avoiding.

For us, grammar school has never been about proving anything or chasing a particular label. It has simply been about trying to find the environment where Oscar will be happiest and most engaged.

When the time comes for his sister, we will approach the decision in exactly the same way.

We are open-minded about both options. We will go through the same process of visiting schools, talking to teachers and considering what environment will help her thrive. We may end up feeling grammar school is right for her, or we may not. The important thing is that the decision will be based on who she is, not on what her brother did.

Because ultimately, I don't want my children to go to the same school.

I want them to go to the right school.

Questions To Ask Yourself When Considering Grammar School

If you're trying to decide whether grammar school is right for your child, I'd encourage you to think beyond test scores.

Looking back, these were some of the questions that helped us:

Does my child genuinely enjoy learning?
Do they actively seek challenge?
Are they happy at school, or are they becoming frustrated?
What do their teachers think?
Have we visited the schools and asked questions?
What opportunities does each school offer?
What does my child think?
Can I genuinely picture my child thriving there?
Am I choosing this school because it suits my child, or because I like the idea of it?

There are no right or wrong answers.

The goal isn't to convince yourself that grammar school is the answer. The goal is to understand which environment will help your child thrive.

Looking back, we didn't make our decision based on one test score or one conversation.

We asked ourselves:

Is Oscar happy at school?
Is he being challenged?
What do his teachers think?
What opportunities would each school offer?
Can we genuinely picture him there?

The more questions we asked, the clearer the answer became.

That's the advice I'd give any parent considering grammar school. Don't rush to make a decision. Gather information, talk to people, visit schools and really think about what environment suits your child.

After all the conversations, school visits, tutoring sessions, mock exams and decision-making, Oscar's advice to any Year 5 child considering grammar school is surprisingly simple: