picture of a couple having a relaxing massage

Why parents need to practise self-care

Walking into the school playground on three hours sleep, with your child having a tantrum by your side, you remember you forgot to bring the packed lunches. Wracked with guilt, and slightly fed-up, you think of the times before you had children when you could put yourself first, take a lie in or go on a run before you are brought back to earth by a fresh wave of crying.

Parental burnout is more common than you might think - a new study recently found that 81% of mums said they have experienced burnout.

Despite these high numbers, very few parents practise self-care and the majority of parents, 60%, reported that they do nothing to relax and re-energise. The old adage - that you can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself - is just as true for mums and dads.

Self-care often falls to the bottom of a parent’s list of priorities. But it is actually one of the most important things a parent can practise to take care of their family! Parents who prioritise their mental and physical health and are well-rested have the capacity to be more present, positive and patient with their children, which in turn can have positive implications for their child’s development. That’s why it is one of our key principles of positive parenting at Triple P.

Self-care need not require big drastic lifestyle changes or great expense. Instead, it is often composed of small acts that fit into busy schedules. These can add up to form patterns that have a positive impact on the whole family. Here are my four top tips on how to practise self-care as a parent.

Take time to recharge

Regularly find time to take a moment to recharge. Recharging could simply be finding time to call a friend, having a singalong to your favourite song in the car, or going for a walk, even if it's just around the block. Just 15 to 30 minutes a day ‘recharging’ can help you provide a more positive and calm environment at home for your children.

Be kind to yourself

Parenting is, for many, the most important job in the world, and parents don’t want to feel like they are failing.

There will most likely be days when you make mistakes and feel exhausted or emotionally drained. It is so important to practise compassion and be kind to yourself when this happens. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, to help yourself remain calm.

If you are having critical thoughts about your parenting, pause and acknowledge these thoughts and reframe them to be more constructive.

When you practise self-compassion, you can also show your child how to deal with setbacks and tricky moments in a positive manner.

Consider taking on less

As a parent, you can often find yourself rushing around. Between school runs, work, cooking and cleaning, it can be hard to find time to sit and relax.

Work as a team with your partner, or with other carers and parents to give yourself some time off. This can be through sharing the workload, such as having a school lift rota or by taking turns cooking, or taking time to chat generally, as well as on logistical details.

Remember it can be more enjoyable to do fewer things that you can immerse yourself in, and be present for, rather than trying to do everything but feeling stressed in the process.

Children learn a lot from the adults around them. By reducing the number of things you are trying to do to look after your mental and physical health, you demonstrate to your children that balance and time for yourself are valuable.

Talk about it

Many parents feel there is a stigma around reaching out for help. If you’re struggling as a parent, or just generally, talking to your friends and family can be really helpful. You might find they have been struggling too and they could have tips for how to care for yourself they have found to work.

If you are struggling with your mental health particularly, it is best to turn to a professional for help such as your GP, or to a mental health helpline.

Evidence-based parenting programmes like Triple P can also help you rebuild your confidence and enjoyment in parenting.

Self-care is not selfish - it is necessary to raise happy and healthy children. Only by being in a good place ourselves, are we able to help others, and parenting is no exception to this rule.